We Need to Talk
June 20, 2024 | By David M. Wagner
“I didn’t want to upset anyone,” she told me.
We had just wrapped up one in a series of workshops. This stakeholder shared with me that she had not brought up something that was bothering her about the organization.
She was concerned the topic might make some other stakeholders uncomfortable.
So when I reviewed our community agreements at the start of the next workshop, I made a point to emphasize one I borrowed from friend and colleague Tes Cohen at Transformative Gatherings:
“Embrace discomfort.” Because the topics that make us uncomfortable just might be the most important ones for us to resolve.
Get to the Source
When an issue feels particularly thorny to bring up, think about the source of the discomfort. Are you afraid that, if you say something,…
Others will react emotionally?
You’ll damage a relationship?
You’re the wrong person to carry the message?
These may be genuine risks. But we sometimes overestimate the likelihood or extent of the downside of possible negative events. If you speak up, what really is most likely to happen?
Weigh Alternatives
Then consider: What are the alternatives to bringing up the uncomfortable topic?
Is there a better way (or messenger) to raise the concern?
It could be that you can just live with the issue, or wait for it to resolve itself. But that strategy only works when the most likely outcome – nothing changes – is tolerable.
So start with a realistic assessment. How bad is the situation that part of you feels compelled to bring up? What might result if the status quo continues?
Make a Choice
Speaking up is a choice. So is doing nothing.
Both carry risks, as you’ve explored above.
After you’ve considered the possible consequences of all your options, it’s time to decide: which best serves the needs of your mission and the people who support it?
If you still feel unclear, try this question: which approach requires more courage?
There are unhealthy sources of discomfort that it is our best interest to avoid. But most of the time, in my experience, speaking up almost always takes more courage – and almost always better serves the mission and people of an organization – than staying silent.
If you do choose to speak up, don’t be reckless. Timing, phrasing, and responding to emotional cues are all critical to ensure your message gets through.
Courage Opens Doors
The hesitant stakeholder attending the workshop series decided to speak up.
When she raised the topic that was worrying her, it was uncomfortable.
And then the full team got to work discussing and tackling a challenge that, they all agreed, was important to address.
That conversation would not have happened without the stakeholder’s willingness to embrace the discomfort. And to show a little courage.
Facilitating difficult team conversations is a critical part of the strategic planning process I lead for my nonprofit clients. Set a free consultation if you could use a guide for your team’s thorny issues.