November 17, 2022 | By David M. Wagner

None of us is a stranger to criticism. Leaders especially find themselves and their organizations on the receiving end of criticism.

It’s easy to be dismissive about criticism. After all, it’s just someone airing personal grievances, being negative, or complaining when they don’t know the full story.

Each of these reactions to criticism might be true. But is that all criticism is? Yes, the delivery may be poor. The words may be unfair and thoughtless. The criticizer may not have the full picture.

But sometimes, if we can look past the flaws of the words, the delivery, and even the person who is the source of the criticism, we might just find a little nugget of truth.

And that nugget may be feedback we can use to become better leaders and improve our organization's impact.

I’m certainly no expert at receiving criticism (cue a knowing look from my partner…). But here are some techniques I’ve been working on to constructively embrace the feedback behind criticism.

1. Acknowledge your emotional response to the criticism. Shock. Anger. Resentment. Self-doubt. These are valid emotions! But they shouldn’t necessarily guide our reactions. Give yourself space to recognize your emotional state and to calm down before responding to the criticism.

2. Acknowledge the feedback you heard. Letting the criticizer know you heard them accomplishes two important things: First, it closes the communication loop and gives the source an opportunity to clarify their feedback. Second, it lets the source feel listened to and sends the message that it's okay for them to share feedback with you. Note: acknowledging does not imply agreement or a commitment to change anything.

3. Look for any truth behind the words. Consider why the source shared the criticism they did - not their motivation, but what they may have observed. Poll trusted sources for honest input. Reflect on how others may perceive actions or circumstances, regardless of intentions. You might even follow up with the original source.

4. Come to peace with what you find. If you find there really is a flaw to correct, that knowledge can be challenging, even painful, to accept. It's okay to feel uncomfortable about it. It's also important to (a) acknowledge that you are human and that no organization is perfect and (b) trust yourself to learn from the experience. (More on the topic of self-compassion coming soon…)

5. Commit to improving. Your “now what” should be something you are willing to commit to and that will address the issue. Sharing with the criticizer what you found and what you plan to do about it can help confirm you’re on the right track. It’s also a great trust builder!

Developing the poise to look for nuggets of truth within criticism while mindfully navigating our own emotions can be challenging. But it is also a tremendous opportunity to improve our organizations and to become better leaders.

Further reading: I can recommend Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well (Douglas Stone & Sheila Heen) from the Harvard Negotiation Project.