July 6, 2023 | By David M. Wagner

I never intended to attend a pitch for a multi-level marketing scheme.

A new acquaintance had invited me to a “party.” Imagine my surprise when, instead, I found myself watching a video about a line of “health products” – and how I could make money selling them to my friends!

When I picked up on what was happening, I stopped drinking the pink beverage I had been handed. My acquaintance couldn’t understand why I wasn’t interested in learning more about this amazing opportunity.

Two Models of Persuasion

I felt deceived – both by the pretense for the invitation, and by the questionable claims in the presentation – and like I was being pressured into buying something.

This “hard sell” wasn’t very persuasive. Deception, coercion, and intimidation are surefire trust destroyers. But even a “soft sell” that tries to appeal to someone else's interest can be persuasion by manipulation if we're really focused on satisfying our own interests.

As leaders, we often need to persuade others, such as to win their support for a strategic initiative (especially when we hold no authority over them). How can we be persuasive, but not calculating?

There’s a more effective approach that relies on less on convincing, and more on genuine pursuit of mutual best interests. Let’s call it persuasion by authentic exploration. Here’s how it works.

Authentic Exploration

Listen to be transformed. “I want to make sure I get where you’re coming from.” Rather than trying to change someone else’s mind, start by listening. Seek to be transformed through a deeper understanding of your counterpart’s perspective (what BBC editor Emily Kasriel calls “deep listening”). In addition to furthering your appreciation for why your counterpart holds their opinions, inquiring about their point of view may make them more open to hearing your position.

Identify mutual goals. “We want the same thing.” Listen for the desires and needs shaping your counterpart’s perspective, restate those aims, and ask them to confirm your understanding. Then point out the objectives you have in common – even if you reach different conclusions about the right approach.

Explore paths together. “What concerns do you still have?” Now explore ways to meet those shared goals. Maybe your original plan now looks like the best approach – to both of you. Or maybe, together, you can identify options that better meet your mutual aims. In any case, listen for additional concerns of theirs that should inform any joint decisions.

What if you can’t find a mutually-beneficial way forward? Or what if your counterpart refuses to cooperate with your approach? Both outcomes reflect underlying challenges – conflicting interests or lack of trust – that would undermine any attempt at persuasion. But with hard work, authentic exploration can slowly build trust and discover commonality.

By being open to new perspectives and genuinely pursuing shared objectives, you can persuade others to join you in impactful pursuits. If you’d like to build your persuasive capacity, schedule a free consultation to start working with an experienced coach.